and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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