Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
