I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize