Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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