How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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