how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
