We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
