So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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