My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
