You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
