he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
