Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
