Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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