Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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