im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
As shirtless as possible
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
