I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
