He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
