Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
