If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
