Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
