I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
