You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
