I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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