He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
