i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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