You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
