im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
