Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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