I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
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I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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