I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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