so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
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