Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
