i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
