i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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