'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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