I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize