you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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