I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
