My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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