On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What drink are we having for lunch?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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