okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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