The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
