My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
