I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
