I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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