He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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