Just fell off a train. Bad.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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