But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
