i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When are your genitals available?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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