first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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