is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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