You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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