That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
