we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
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Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
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Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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