Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
