I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
