Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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