Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
