Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
