On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
