my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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