Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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