Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
