Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
