Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
